Friday, June 27, 2014

looking at things with a different perspective

i have been blogging more and more often recently....
irregardless of what the reasons...

but now i am just back...
have so many things to set straight....

I should never be saying i want to be like the old me...
i should have always say i want the brand new me to be better....

Cause everything is better and will be better the next day....

so now i have set my attitude at work straight and next is to work on my relationship...
Next will be my physical appearance....

I realise just by going to gym doesnt meant that i can slim down...
It only meant to help with toning with my body shape and transforming fats into muscle...

So now i will start to get my appetite smaller, eat lesser and healthier...
Slimming down with one last strive....

Tried the super depress and not eat....
doesnt work...
so now live everyday happily i will...

after getting my pay and paying off my debts and bills...
then i will be more wealthy...
still saving up is important but eating healthier will be important too....

SLIM DOWN IS THE MAJOR TARGET !!

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Days that pass so slowly

today is the 4th day not seeing you~
or i should say not having you by my side...

a small period of time to separate ourself from each other..
though not willingly but mandatory....

i would say...
this time given is a torture for me...
a time for me to think but also a time for me to think too much...

haha....
thousand of thoughts flow through my mind and i haven been sleeping well...

always falling asleep at while watching shows til late night...
physically tired but the mind just refuses to rest...
so this is how i have been falling asleep for the past few days...

but on this 4th day...
i stop checking if you were telling the truth or lying to me ...
i told myself if i cant bring myself to trust you....
then it would have meant i stop trying to make "US" work.

i am not ready to give up on this relationship yet...
til the day my heart is really broken to the extend of no turning then i'll give up...

so please note that i am still as fragile as the point of time you knew me...
i put myself out there willingly giving you my heart...
trusting that you will safe keep it and let no harm comes to it...


Trust is the key factor of the r/s ?

When being tgt...
Trust is so important but what if this trust is being put on trial ? 

I have been thinking... 
Can I trust you still ? 
My answer is I want to trust you but... All odds are telling me not to... 
I guess you can say its a self protecting machinism in me ba... 

I dun wish to hurt.... 

I once read this article saying... 
Be with a guy who makes you smile and not a guy who makes you cry... 

I lost count on how many times I cried over this... 
I lost count of how often I can smile and laugh around you... 

When you told me you were no longer certain that I'm the one... 
My heart broke... 

If you are uncertain... 
Then shall we not waste each other's time ? 

Or is this why you are texting other girls 
Lying like you use to ? 
Telling then you're working but in fact just because you're with me ? 

Maybe I should act childishly and just wan you to announce to everyone I'm your gf ? 
So that can fan off unnecessary flirting attention ? 

I dk... 
But should we still be tgt ? 

Monday, June 23, 2014

Before and after

Somewhere... 
Somehow.. 

Either you change or I change... 
Or maybe we both did.... 

We use to talk about everything and anything.. 
Even when we disagree... 
You will put in that extra effort to explain or talk some sense into me... 

But what happen in between ?
What change ? 
Why do you no longer make this effort to talk things out anymore ? 
Why do you chose to remain quiet and afterwards treat like nothing happen ? 
How long more can we go on like this ? 

I use to love about us being able to talk things out... 
But now... 
It's no longer like that... 
Did I lose the thing to love about us? 


Sunday, June 22, 2014

Trust

I dk if I can trust you anymore... 
I chose to trust you... 
But seems like you rather lie to another girl why you are not texting her... 
Then admit you are lying... 

When confronted you wann to retaliate with it being my fault? 

I now start to wonder if we are suitable tgt.... 

I only wish if you wann to flirt around or dw to settle down with me... 
You can just tell me...

Since you can no longer feel that we can have a future tgt then why are we still tgt? 

I dun understand... 
I dunno what I am doing too... 


Trying

After times after times... 
I try my best now to trust you... 
And I try to give you my trust and leave no doubts .

But in return I received cold response... 
And sarcastic replies... 

Why are we even tgt if you wann to be like that .
Or you simply waiting for me to say I wann to breakup . 

You change so much that I dun know you anymore 

Tired

The tiredness I put myself through... 
I'm wondering if it's worth it anymore... 

What is the point of traveling all the way to meet you but you forget about our plans... 

It just seems like 不被重视
If so why make all these effort ? 

How long and how much more can I tolerate... 


Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Long lost update

Ever since I left my previous job... 
I hadn't been working since . 
And it's been like one month plus and I am back to update this space... 

There are post that weren't publish... 
But those were words of anger and I didn't want to regret for posting it here . 

So it seem like I have yet to be blogging... 

Life has been okay to me... 
Now I'm a school administrator at tanglewood music school... 
An hour traveling from home...
Pros and cons I have so much to say
But I decided not to bore you guys with the details...

So there has been ups and downs with my bf... 
But we are trying to work things out by talking... 

Sometimes love is just weird.. 
It just works so differently from logic.. 


Slight update: 
My grandpa, the one whom I love but had drifted apart from, is closing to his end of the line le . 

Seeing him in his fragile stage weaken my heart and tear a bit of me away.. 

Preparing for the worst now...